Variety, Vegetables, and the Vanity of Midlife Wellness
I’m middle-aged, which means my social media feed has become one long commercial break for menopause, weight loss, and foot pain. Apparently, I’m one hot flash away from enlightenment—if I just buy the right supplement, follow the right coach, and download the right app. Every solution to my problems seems to cost exactly $149.89, which feels oddly specific, like the universe has settled on a price for my sanity.
Yes, I have hot flashes.
Yes, my brain occasionally takes a coffee break mid-sentence.
Yes, I’m ten pounds heavier than I want to be, my joints complain like an old porch swing, my sleep patterns rival a toddler’s, I seem to wake up with injuries and my hair has started doing something I don’t remember approving.
So far, I’ve downloaded the apps, taken the supplements, and parted with more than one $149.89. And you know what? I’m exactly where I started—just slightly more broke and a little more irritated.
But there is one part of me that seems to be holding steady: my gut.
And not because I’ve been sipping on miracle teas or drinking smoothies with names like “Inner Glow Elixir.” Nope. My gut health, I’m convinced, is thriving because I’ll eat pretty much anything. I’m not a picky eater and I genuinely love food, so by default, I get variety. Once, a nutritionist had me poop in a box (don’t ask) and came back with a rare diagnosis that could only be cured with some special tea from Africa. I think it worked. Or maybe I just forgot about it. Either way, I survived.
Recently, Chad and I were scrolling through Netflix looking for something to make us feel smarter, and we landed on a documentary about the gut. The big takeaway: variety matters. Apparently, if you eat 50 different plant foods a week, your microbiome throws you a parade.
Challenge accepted.
We started adding new veggies at each meal. We decided spices would count—because if I’m shaking out a teaspoon of cumin, I’m earning credit. We “played the game” for a day or two, which means I enthusiastically talked about it and then forgot to keep track.
Then one day recently, while bragging about my gut project, someone had the nerve to tell me it couldn’t be done. So naturally, I pulled out my phone and started keeping a list in my Notes app because nothing motivates me like mild skepticism.
By day three, I worried I’d maxed out my usual veggie roster—broccoli, carrots, peppers—and might not make it to 50. But then we went to a new Indian restaurant near our house (which we may have visited twice that week), and suddenly my list exploded: lentils, cardamom, curry, mint, cloves—boom. My microbiome was practically singing.
By Sunday, I’d hit 50 and then some. At the Panthers game, surrounded by fruit trays and random veggie sides, I realized I’d gone way over the mark. I was unreasonably proud—like I’d discovered the secret to eternal youth through okra and quinoa.
After all my attempts to be a “better” version of myself—apps, teas, supplements, and self-improvement schemes—it turns out the simplest solution might just be eating like a curious person.
So, while my joints may creak and my hormones may fluctuate like the stock market, my gut? She’s thriving.
Below is my triumphant (and slightly obsessive) list of the week’s fruits and veggies. My stomach thanks me and now I can challenge people, knowing it can be done.
Monday
Yellow Pepper
Carrots
Celery
Olive green
Chic peas (hummus)
Dill
Yellow Beets
Broccoli
Tuesday
Kale
Chard
Spinach
Red bell pepper
Green bell peppers
Black beans
Cauliflower
Raisins
Strawberries
Mango
Blueberries
Green beans
Wednesday
Cabbage green
Cabbage red
Cucumber
Coconut
Corn
Avocado
Tomatoes
Thursday
Mushrooms
Asparagus
Heart of palm
Saturday
Banana
Raspberries
Parsley
Potatoes
Indian peppers
Lentils
Cinnamon
Cardamom
Cumin
Cloves
Cayenne
Curry
Mint
Artichoke
Quinoa
Pickled garlic
Black olive
Sunday
Apple
Sweet potatoes
Brussels
Mandarin orange
Lettuce
Cantaloupe
Pineapple
Watermelon
Okra